Do you have that friend or friends that call you and all they do is gossip? What about that one person that just rants all the time and does nothing to change or improve their circumstances? And of course we all have come to know at least one complainer. Do you ever seem to ask the golden ticket question? ” What’s consuming you friend?” No. Because we really don’t care, we just want to be a “good friennnndddd” *insert quote bunny ear fingers here*.
What does it mean to be consumed by something? (Not eaten) More importantly, how does it affect those around you?
Some peoples’ energy can be so intense that it’s hard to comprehend on a basic level. For instance, I once dated a guy with severe anxiety & depression. He was very well aware of his issues, but hid them from me until they could no longer be hidden. I’m no expert on mental illness, I but know a manipulator when I see one. This ex, that we’ll call “Tom” started revealing his true self around month two. In my experience, that’s usually when everyone’s demons surface during the dating phase.
See when I had met Tom, he had mentioned nothing of his depression or his anxiety. I ended up figuring it out through red flags and research, and I confronted him about it. There were no judgments , and we continued on with the relationship.
I began to realize that this was not Tom’s first rodeo. He was well aware of his mental illness, yet made no attempts at seeking help. After a while, I also noticed there were more uhhhh… “characteristics” attached to his persona. He was a manipulator. Yes. Yes. You can be an anxious, depressed manipulator.
One day Tom lost his job. I honestly believe he lost the job days before but just didn’t know how to tell me. When he informed me of him losing his job, he began to have an anxiety attack over the phone, and proceeded to tell me that he was going to end his life. The phone dropped and everything grew silent. I called, and called, got no answer.
I panicked and left work. When I arrived at home, he wasn’t there. I called his parents in a worry, only to find out he had gone to their place. Shortly after, I received a text from Tom saying, “Aww, you really do love me”. Ummm, bish was this all a ploy to “test” my love for you? I felt played. All the reassurance I had given him when he thought he wasn’t enough. The sticking through his anxiety attacks. Those same daily rants I sat through about his coworkers. Clearly, none of that was enough.
Mental illness has varying scales, but that situation in particular hit different. He was consumed with “validating” my “love” for him in toxic ways. It was a toxic pattern that I enabled. I couldn’t comprehend the energy flow because that’s not WHO I AM. His energy and my energy were not equally yoked, and in the end he self destructed due to being consumed by external validation.
When you have that person in your life who’s fully aware of their issues and does nothing to change their circumstances, you become their enabler.
You enable by listening to their same complaints and rants on a daily basis. And instead of you asking what they’re doing to change, or asking what’s a good solution, or how can you help, you listen. Over and over again. They’re consumed by what bothers them, and because misery loves company, they call you. Or are you that person?
Are you aware of the emotional energy required to sustain such a relationship? Birds of a feather flock together, and at that rate, both parties are able to create an even flow of negative energy. Breeding more of it which does nothing to improve the bigger picture that is You.
Thoughts, electronic devices, women, men, anger, money, anxiety, and external validation are all examples that one may become consumed by. Let’s be honest, its rude. It’s rude to constantly bombard someone with the same category of issues repeatedly. Everyone has their own problems they’re dealing with, and listening to you complain over and over about the same things does nothing to alleviate another’s mental state. It’s selfish.
Above all, maintain control to avoid negative mental consumption. Be in control of your thoughts, actions, your happiness and your joy. No one is perfect and that’s OK. Take the time to reflect on yourself. Reflect on how your actions affect others. You may not be aware, but you’re potentially draining a loved one emotionally. People can feel your energy. Please make it a positive experience for them. Remember that you become what consumes you. Always choose happiness. 🙂
Feel the feeling, but don’t become the emotion. Witness it, allow it, release it.
Crystal Andrus